She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
