and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
