the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You pole danced in your parka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
