Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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