he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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