Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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