Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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