so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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