It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
