I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
