I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
