my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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