I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
