I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
