dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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