I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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