We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
