I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
