You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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