Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
