Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
