Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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