I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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