"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize