I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
