Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
