I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
