Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm always down for nudity.
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