woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
