Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
