Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
