Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
