You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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