I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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