I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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