When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize