one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
