If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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