you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize