I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
