apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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