I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
