Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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