I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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