Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
