please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
