Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
