Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
