you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
