my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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