Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont even know how to be here
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
