No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
