There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
