Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
