please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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