Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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