did you get engaged???
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is the high leading the old right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize