i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
