Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
