I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
