if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
