The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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