It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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