If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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