Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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