I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
