You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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