I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
