the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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