Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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