I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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