That's when you crack a 10am beer
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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