I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
