The maid of honor just puked.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
