I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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