I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
