My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ttyl tear gas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
