Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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