areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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