I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
