my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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