im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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