I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
