i would punch a child for taco bell
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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