So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
