i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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