dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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