Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
