I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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