you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
