just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
