totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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