I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
