Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
