So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
